It is easy to be glib and romantic about the poor, disadvantaged and socially outcast from the theological ivory tower. In principle - and it's more than a principle - yes, it is disgraceful that churches perpetuate the social alienation of the economically disadvantaged, the unemployed and so on. James tells us to show the poor man to the pride of place, and so we should.
The reality of life for church communities is that overcoming the factors which cause social exclusion is far more complicated. Economic disadvantage is (in the welfare state) rarely just economic disadvantage; social exclusion is rarely just social exclusion. These things often come with a raft of other problems. In my pastoral experience I have encountered some people who, while wanting to members of the church community, were really, really difficult, for whatever reason. They came with alarming or disturbing or deeply unpleasant personality traits. (Sometimes this was the result of a mental illness, though not always; and, it must be said there are those with mental illnesses who do not exhibit these anti-social behaviour patterns.) There were those who frightened off other church members, or who were inappropriately attentive to members of the opposite sex. There were those who told lies and took advantage of the charity of the church - in one case, to the tune of several hundreds of dollars. There were those who feigned serious illness in order to get attention.
And, anti-social behaviour, it turns out, is well named: people like this can drain the resources of a community and sap its growth. As a young pastor, several times I poured my heart into people who were difficult, trusting that my naive trust would be rewarded. It rarely was, I have to say (not with any bitterness).
So what is the way forward? How does the community of God's people take seriously the teaching of the NT and yet do so with wisdom? How have others - especially in inner city ministries - dealt with this issue?
12 comments:
You are on top of things. Your post says you are a year ahead of yourself in your blogging :)
One thing my wife and I have realised through similar experiences to the ones you've mentioned is that you are really ministering to a different culture. The expectations you set have to be entirely different in regard to relationships.
It's not a way forward I don't think. We've been in Redfern for 3 years now, and still don't have any answers.
It's stressful and hard work, and if you realise it is actually a cross cultural type of work, it may help to put things into perspective, and how you will think about doing church.
Hmm - that's true but not quite the phenomenon I was trying to describe. The kind of people I am talking about are by definition not a culture - their behaviour isolates them from others. So, I am thinking about one fellow who lied to us about who he was, would berate people, including young people about the gory details of his marriage break-up and custody battles, and then would pay unwanted attention to young women some 15 years his junior (or more). What do you do with that?
Boundaries... coming to all aspects of church isn't a right.
- People have to understand that if they are going to come to the main sunday services then they have to respect the most basic boundaries of the comunity. Make a contract with them where they know what is acceptable and what would result in them being asked not to attend certain parts of church for a set period. Boundaries might include not starting a conversation with children/women/newcommers, you can only call the pastor between these times etc and have a review in a few months. This might sound like it's treating them as a child or professionalizing church but I think it doesn't have to be carried out in this tone and can make the world of difference to it being sustainable long term.
- If the church has the demand, having a homegroup specifically for people in this catagary can make the world of difference for them feeling loved and accepted.
- Assigning them "buddies" to build friendships with them out of church and stay with them in church if need be?
You're right though, it's tough having people like this as part of our church body, we are going to get burned... I just don't think there's an alternative... I'd be worried if I was in a church that didn't have a few people who have difficult behaviour.
Hi Michael, Great post.
I really like Sally's thoughts and they summarise well the sorts of experiences and strategies we have employed well down here.
A thing I need to keep remembering while implementing these strategies is that these people are made in God's image and sometimes are my senior... and so ought to be honoured even as they are handled firmly.
I totally agree. It's an important balance to keep. There must be genuine love, genuine respect, genuine awareness that Christ died for this person, may speak to us through them and one day if they are in him, will finish the job and they will be so radient that if we were to see them now we would be tempted to worship them.
I find praying for people helps bring this back into perspective. It's amazing how often I change attitudes when I do this... but I guess prayer is one of the first things to go out the window when we're pushing burn out!
Some good realistic thoughts and suggestions.
I don't know that there are any easy answers. Learning to be shrewd is essential but only comes through experience. Listening to those who come from these backgrounds can be helpful. They are much less naïve about human nature. I agree that setting some boundaries or "rules" is very important. We can't assume people know what is appropriate so we need to spell it out more clearly than in other contexts.
I think a key difference from middle class ministry is that the poor and marginalised do not function according to our codes of "proper" behaviour. They live much more on the surface so that what you see is what is really there. Maybe to some extent we just need to get used to it. There is also a strength in this - you know when someone is struggling spiritually because they act it out (unlike us middle class Christians who look like we are all doing fine all the time.)
A couple of other challenges in a church full of these people, even when people come to faith:
* you don't have the same leadership potential. It takes a long time for people to work through their own problems and develop a stable faith and healthy relationships, let along start serving others
* every step forward seems to followed by a step (or two) backwards.
This type of ministry is messier and slower, but personally, I have really enjoyed shifting from student work to ministry amongst lower class people. I love the way you can see the gospel transform totally messed up people and how much more they appreciate grace.
Just another thought, and I know this may sound romantic and idealist, but, how often does your church have the opportunity to forgive someone? How often are the people in the pews forced to put aside their own spiritual consumption out of love for someone else? Though they are a pain in the backside, people with difficulties are God's gift to the church for its true growth. Precisely because they are a pain in the backside!
Well, yes. The question is, given they are a gift to us, how exactly do we discern it?
discern what?
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