Househusband observations

12 months ago, my wife went overseas for three weeks during my long service leave. I did single parenting for three weeks. Full respect to anyone who is a single parent all the time - I don't know how you do it.

Here's some observations I put on Facebook at the time:



Househusband observation no. 1: If you put the telly on in the mornings, you have less tidying up to do.

Househusband observation no. 2: porridge sticks to plates in the dishwasher.

Househusband observation no. 3: children are at their hungriest at about 4pm.

Househusband observation no. 4: pre-empting hunger and boredom takes enormous mental energy.

Househusband observation no. 5: doing girl's hair is really difficult if you've never had long hair yourself.

Househusband observation no. 6: socks can walk without feet in them.

Househusband observation no. 7: Ants love muffins if you haven't wrapped them up tightly.

Househusband observation no. 8: If you want to feel like a superhero and giant, go and help with kindy reading groups.

Househusband observation no. 9: Apparently putting margarine on salami sandwiches is a no-no.

Househusband observation no. 10: kids will eat it if you put it in a) a wrap b) a cardboard box takeaway style.

Househusband observation no. 11: Donna Hay brownies for afternoon tea can't fail

Househusband observation no. 12: the school day seems to go a lot faster than it used to when I was actually at school.

Househusband observation no. 13: I am more stressed about the kid’s homework - and certainly more interested in it - than they are. Who is it for again?

Househusband observation no. 14: The number of showers a 14 year old boy thinks he needs is inversely proportional to the number he actually needs.

Househusband observation no. 15: there's no such thing as the 'easy' dinner, because everyone wants something different: baked beans, noodles, boiled egg, toasted sandwich. You end up making four different dinners. Hard dinner is in fact easier.

Househusband observation no. 16: cats don't like vacuum cleaners.

Househusband observation no. 16a: After a day either with kids or on my own, I am tending to verbally download on any grown-up I meet...

Househusband observation no. 17: the chirpiness of the morning people is directly proportional to the grumpiness of the not-morning people.

Househusband observation no. 18: a seven year old really can cover every surface of a bathroom with toothpaste.

Househusband observation no. 19: if you have doonas, making beds is a waste of time.

Househusband observation no. 20: the Simpsons is not a kids' show

Househusband observation no. 21: someone always squeezes the popper drink.

Househusband observation no. 22: if you flick, hang properly, and fold straight off the line, there's no need to iron.

Househusband observation no. 23: if there were more stay-at-home dads, there'd be more beards.

Househusband observation no. 24: ...the smell of the lunchboxes after the long weekend... why did I give them cabanossi on Friday?

Househusband observation no. 25: there's no disappointment quite like getting your child to a 7am music rehearsal that has been called off.

Househusband observation no. 26: nobody ever admits to being the one who pooed in the bath...

Househusband observation no. 27: the comic potential of the English language is endless is you are under 10. 'Would you like butter on your sandwich?' 'ha ha, you said 'butt' '.

Househusband observation no. 28: I wish my wife were here. On the other hand, this is my first State of Origin live for years.

Househusband observation no. 29: typical household conversation: 'Dad!' 'Yes?' 'inaudible'. 'What?' 'Mumble'. 'Excuse me?' 'blum blum bllum' 'I can't hear you. What are you saying?' ...

Househusband observation no. 30: there doesn't seem to be a company that does a 'my wife's been away for three weeks and I need to have the house spotless' cleaning service. Why is that?

Househusband observation no. 31: we are never going to see that school hat again.