OK, a little bit more of a pastoral discussion: but no smacking!
As a young Christian, as I suppose is true of any young person, I was quite actively on the lookout for gurus. I was hungry to be someone's disciple: to find someone who had the bigness of vision and insight and wisdom so that I could latch on to them. There were two or three people who filled this role especially. I remember hanging on their every word, hungry for a little attention ("a shoe, a shoe! It is a sign...") and ready to do what they said to the letter.
But of course, it never lasts: because as you grow older and get to know the person better you get to see them as an ordinary fallible person - that they make mistakes, that they are guilty of faulty logic, that they have character flaws. This can be quite a traumatic period I think - especially as some people invest far more than I ever did in their gurus. It can be devastating to realise that the person isn't what you thought they were, especially if you have incorporated a great deal of their way of thinking into your own decision making about your life. But, it is also extremely liberating - the moment when you realise that the guru's advice is not right and make your own decision! At best, you then become friends with the guru ... i would have to say that by and large the guys I held up as gurus have now become my genuine friends: the dynamic has shifted.
What do we make of this phenomenon, especially within the church? Especially as a pastor, is it in the best interests of the other person to cultivate these kind of relationships? It is an incredibly powerful feeling to have people attach to you and to offer you the keys to their life! I think a crucial thing is if the pastor has the capacity to release the person from this kind of attachment by exposing the real them. It is unhealthy for these relationships to continue into adulthood - they may be useful for a time, but they do not allow the person to grow in to a mature and responsible Christian person capable of discerning the guidance of the Holy Spirit in their own life. And yet, I have seen pastoral relationships where this is the case: where people have real difficulty in breaking this dynamic with a pastor and moving on to maturity, even well into mid-life. At its worst, the pastor has become instead of a witness to Jesus, an alternative to him, grabbing more than a little of his limelight.
23 comments:
Hi Michael - thanks for the post. I'm at a student at a Bible college, where there are two types of people I witness on a day to day basis, those who have good 'gurus' and those that don't.
Many of us look either to local 'gurus' in terms of one's pastor, rector elder etc. Others look to overseas authors and speakers as their 'gurus'.
The difference between the good and the bad, is that the good 'gurus' have tapped into what you've said and they make an effort to show the 'underlings' that while it is helpful and necessary to learn from those more mature in the faith - we also need to see the warts.
You might be aware of Dr. Mervyn Eloff the vice-principal of George Whitfield College in Cape Town - now Mervyn probably wouldn't qualify as my personal 'guru', I haven't known him long enough, but when I do get the chance to speak with him one on one about ministry or hear him preach he always brings his warts into the pulpit with him - you just can't pin him up as an infallible 'guru' - yet at the same time he offers so much to us young gospel workers trying to figure everything out.
Thanks Spooh: Yes, I met Mervyn Eloff some years ago now (he probably wouldn't remember...)
i know of one international speaker who happily jet-setted around the globe and had a raft of books etc. It was all a facade as it turned out... But nobody could get close enough to him to work it out.
Thanks MPJ. We shared some of the same mentors who have now become friends. The danger, of course, is that the seeking of gurus makes our life look decidedly Corinthian. [My book of interest right now]. What are gurus?
Spooh -- I noticed on your Blog Profile that your interests are a list of what one might call gurus. And your books are people too. Just an observation. This is an important issue for you.
Interesting on this point that Paul longed "to see Christ formed in you". A good litmus test: not to see little Pauls formed, but little Christs formed, and being willing to allow that to happen through other influencers.
Interesting too that Paul made a point of sharing his life: letting people close enough to see the warts no doubt.
yes: "Imitate me, just as or perhaps 'inasmuch as' I imitate Christ..."
I'd love to hear some personal experiences from pastors and the pastored...
Speaking as a guruling, liberation for me initially came from realising that gurus will always disagree - I can listen and learn and imitate, but which one?
That's a healthy moment to reach I think...
Is there a gender difference with this guru-thing?
Hi Justin - I actually put those all those peoples names down because I think its the easiest way to get a feel of where someone is coming from if you know which authors he reads. Since my blog is primarily a theology blog I include all those names on my profile to give people some sort of a 'heads up' as they read what I write. I'll be honest - I am a bit of a sucker for guru's at times, but I hope, and I don't think, I'm in a place where I follow men more than Jesus, or where are can't have have a go at constuctively critiquing those authors. And after all - theology is my interest. But thanks for the concern though - appreciated.
Great post, Michael. very pertinent.
"Is there a gender difference with this guru-thing?"
I'm not sure if you meant what I'm thinking, but women tend towards finding gurus too, (unless they're more independant thinkers than I was, wouldn;t surprise me!).
When I was working as an MTS apprentice at a church I had a very different perspective than most, for this, I found a lot of girls either saw me as a kind of held up thing of 'godliness' or wisdom.
This was hard. As a girl, who is emotional and shares herself openly, I countered the possible guru worship by showing my weaknesses. However, I discovered one had to eb careful here, as some girls liked to use this against me to cut me down when they felt small about being sinful.
I was the first to admit my sins ( not with necessary details)in the interests of repentance and self-reform but found that these girls didn't necessarily 'copy' me in this area!
I am still in contact with one of the girls I 'mentored', and have made it clear that we are equals. She still comes to me for help and advice, but knows her own worth more, I hope.
yeah some/most of my 'gurus' are dead and/or I've never met them so I'm not sure if this counts/ is relavent. What does qualify one as a 'guru'.
Actually in terms of the living gurus most of them aren't chrsitian but they inspire me in how I live my life as a believer... (yes very Yancey of me).
In regard to gender- many of my 'gurus' dead and alive are of the opposite sex.I think I crave female gurus but I do find them hard to come by (i'm a bit fussy!)
Well, the dead/never met gurus are equally dangerous... though biographers are very helpful to us in this. It is great to read fro example of Karl Barth's complicated marital life (which he admitted was a flaw). It all helps to remind you that these people are not the object of our worship...
I have found more and more than admitting ones flaws adds to one's guru-ness. I wonder if its a postmodern thing. But it is infuriating -- "He/She is so good that they always open their heart to others their 'brokenness'.
Infuriating, I say.
I find being a complete pain in the neck helps potential guru-lings on that score...
;-)
YEs, that can be a reverse manipulation, or a flase humility, too.
Perhaps we need to think about what it is that drives people to look for gurus (positively and negatively). Rather than attempting to 'break' their habit through greater disclosure (though that is a good thing in itself when done appropriately), let's do some theology! Why imitate?
PS I claim 'guruling' as mine. Please admire me for it. I sometimes come up with bad neo-logisms though, so don't admire me too much.
Oh, and MJ get's 'flase' as his.
:-)
Great post; great discussion. Very interesting. A couple of things from me:
1. When the AFES was being re-vamped under Andrew Reid's leadership in the 1980s, one of the big moves was toward a more mentoring role for staff workers. I believe it was partly based on some work done in the IFES scene in the USA. It would be interesting to reflect on what this model has acheived in student work in Australia.
2. As noted, Paul does not seem too fussed to disentangle his personal example from his teaching. Just last night we looked at 2 Tim 3:15-17 that his charge involves both "what you have learned" and "those from who you have learned it". Maybe the possiblity that you can disentangle the scriptures from those who taught them to you is both impossible and not even desireable?
3. Tim Keller said something along the lines of "If you have one teacher, you are a clone. If you have two, you get confused. If you have 100s, you start to think for yourself." Maybe part of the maturing process is not to disregard gurus, but to take on hundreds of them! (cf Paul's solution to the problem in 1 Corinthians 3:21-22)
4. I noticed the other day in Steve Biddulph's book "Raising Boys" that he thinks boys basically move from Mother (0-5 or so) to Father (5-15 or so) to role-models/gurus (16-20s). Would explain why our youth groups and student ministries can be so powerful (and potentially dangerous)
I think one of the dangers, especially for the guru but also amongst gurulings, is to mistake someone agreeing with you for them showing good sense. It is always tempting to think that those who agree with you are clearly right and therefore superior.
I have had negative experience of this in my high school youth group. The group had a very charismatic leader - this could have been great but was in my opinion unhealthy. He only appointed gurulings to leadership roles with the end result that the group was very lopsided. It had his strengths to overkill but also his weaknesses without any leavening effect. Apart from a lack of balance or acknowledgement of the weak points it also encouraged a view that being a devoted Christian meant taking on a particular personality type and method. It was discouraging of difference and I found it personally discouraging.
A guru who knows his/her own weaknesses and sin and is able to appropriately artiulate this is helpful not only to the gurulings but also to those who are different.
PS. I think the whole wanting gurus thing ties into the "inner circle" desires thing. I think Byron has some stuff on this somewhere.
Is it because people feel accepted if they 'fit into a mould'?
Can someone comment on this?
If you don't fit the 'guru's' mould than you aren't picked up by the guru and you are left alone or ignored for 'leadership' positions.
That could make one feel like they aren't a 'gifted' Christian.
Please comment on this!!
Well this is true if you have a guru who is interested in power. I have to say one of the tricky things in leadership is that you click with some people and not with others, and you are inevitably going to play favourites.
Of course, there is a 'mould' to which Christians are to conform: but it is Christ only...
I agree with that...
but it brings to mind...'gurus' clicking with certain people, or people wanting to be the ones the 'gurus' accept type thing.
Well it brings to my mind anyway, that God looks at the heart but man looks at the outside. We spend a lot of time looking at the outside- I guess that is the culture we are exposed to.
I guess when some people are older and have been 'burnt' or whatever, one realises this, but some never seem to get out of it.
Well, true. I don't think there is a problem with following human models per se, but I think there is a real risk in pastoral ministry of this getting WAY out of hand. It takes enormous maturity to deal with it without damaging people.
yeh I agree.
I guess that's the heart of the issue.
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